So I am looking at the other side of a 21 day fast. Now I'm not sure if I mentioned earlier but this was indeed a spiritual fast. And I hate that statement. Really. It sounds so... churchy. But oh well, I did it and that is what it was. I'm trying to gather my thoughts about what I came out with versus what I went in with.
I went in with the expectation that I would gain clarity on my life. That my life would somehow start to make sense and I would gather some kind of motivation to start in a direction. I also wanted clarity on my relationships. Those I should keep and those I should let go. And maybe not my favorite but I also went in with an expectation that I would see the world as God sees it.
First off I lost 4 pounds of myself and I would like to not find it ever again. Second, I came away with something more than I thought I would have.
Clarity: God simply showed me that if I set my focus on the right things my life becomes more clear than I could ever imagine. Clarity is always there, the problem occurs when I let the crappy things of life, or the distracting things cloud the clarity I have already been granted. If I believe that I have absolute freedom in Christ then there is a sense of clarity that comes with that and I don't want to lose it.
Direction: This is the funny one. I already have direction. Well what do I mean by that? God doesn't care what job I have or don't have. He doesn't care if I pursue a PHD in Math, go to UCR, CSUSB, UCI, Cal Poly, or Valley. He doesn't care that I have two dogs, a bed to sleep in, a floor to stand on, or a pan to cook food in. He doesn't care about my comfort. Weird. Now it almost sounds bad as in God doesn't care about me. But that's the thing. None of those are me. None of those ARE me. Do you get it? He cares about me. He cares that I wake up in the morning and go "Hello! Thank you for my breath." Now I do believe that he cares about the passions of my heart and he has placed certain desires in my nature because he wants me to have an overly abundant life. I didn't get that until now.
Relationships: If you read my subtitle you saw that "Relator" is my number one strength. I am destined for relationships. So when I asked God for revelation about the relationships I should keep or let go he answered in a very simple and soft way. He said Love all of my people. This combines the last two things I was looking for out of this fast and it is absolutely amazing the outcome. I 100% did not expect to hear that I don't have to get rid of any of my relationships! I felt like I was having a conversation with myself and it went like this...
Me: I don't know what to do. Should I stay friends with this person? Should I still keep these relationships? The Other Me: Why do you feel like you need to let relationships go? Me: Well, we aren't supposed to be friends with people who don't have their life in order right? The Other Me: Do you have your life in order? Me: Well, not exactly but I kind of know where I belong. It's not like I am in and out of jail or anything. The Other Me: What will you do without these relationships? Me: Well, I could read more books, probably workout a little more or get a job. The Other Me: Have you ever considered that your relationships are worth more than all that stuff? Me: Well, yea. The Other Me: Do you look at people through the eyes of love? Me: No.
Yea, that conversation felt a little something like that. I'm thinking "The Other Me" was slightly personified by God and he was showing me that I need to love more. And the more that I love the deeper the relationships I will have and the more I can grow. For so long I thought I had to pick and choose who I could keep as a friend... "Well this person isn't a christian, or This person has bad habits." Rubbish. Where are your roots of faith? Are they strong? Do you want to work out the hands of your faith? What about the feet of your faith? Do you believe that God works through ALL things that are good? Then why on Earth would you throw away a relationship that could change your life?
Wow. That seems pretty profound but what is even more amazing is it all flooded to me in a very simple way, while I was praying outside with my hand on a door.
So what do I want? Hands down, an overly abundant life.