The unimaginable Father

To give you context to this post, I just watched Father of Lights, by the same director as Finger of God and Furious Love, with some of my friends last night. I didn't really want to watch it because in my head I was thinking- 'I've heard just about as much Christian-ese as I can handle.' But boy am I glad I stayed.

I want to quote something from Darin Hufford in his book "The Misunderstood God"

'The great counterfeit of kindness if manipulation.
When the antithesis of kindness, manipulation, is present, true kindness becomes voided out. In order for kindness to be authentic, it must have no ulterior motive behind it. The moment a hidden motive supports a kind act, the act itself ceases to be kind and suddenly becomes manipulation.
This is why most people's response to a kind act is 'What do you want from me?' We have grown accustomed to the lie. It is beyond our comprehension why anyone would do something nice without wanting something in return.'

This has been the story of my life (among so many other things it turns out) since I was just a child. I was sold a package that contained manipulation that looked like sincerity, love and security but it was just that- manipulation. I won't go into details of how this was demonstrated to me but I will say that because one of my primary love languages is gifts- you can imagine what getting gifts with motives will do to you over the years. It has painted a picture of love that I have never been able to relate to. This is no wonder then I cannot relate to the father because after all, he gives us things so we will love him, worship him and give him all the glory. (Right?!) Sounds kinda selfish if you ask me. But this is how I view him- a father who gives and takes as he pleases to manipulate me into doing what he wants. Think about your view for a minute and tell me there isn't any form of manipulation you feel in your relationship with the father.

This was my view until about a week ago and it was just overwhelmingly confirmed last night. In the midst of struggling with what I consider heavy sin, I received the one revelation that has finally broken me. Broken me to the point of no return. I will never be where I once was because it lived in the land of death and desolation. Tho I may have had plenty of correct views of the father, I didn't have THE correct view. As I was cowering in a corner screaming and holding up my fists ready to take the beating, all I got was love. No whispers of condemnation or disappointment. Just this: try to do anything that will divert my love from you and I will show you that it never will.

What do you do with that? That's the best part- nothing. You are required to do absolutely nothing with that revelation- and that is why it has me so broken. I can say, like Paul, that I am a wretched human being but God has placed me on the other side of the cross so my words are void. My father saw my life, past-present-future, he saw everything I would ever do and he still chose me to belong to him because there would never be anything I could ever do to change his view of me, because he saw me from eternity, in His son.

I am ruined my friends. I have run in what I thought was the opposite direction only to find out I was running straight to him. Where can I go? Where can I hide? The good and bad news is you cannot hide anywhere- and even if you have reason to hide- he'll never let you slip out of his reach. Because that's what father's do.

How does this change things? Knowing the truth about Him changes everything. It changes my thinking. It changes my words. It changes my actions. It changes my views. It changes my life. This is finally the answer I have been searching for this whole time- why do I believe in what I believe in? Because there will never be a love as real as this one.

Dang it- that is so satisfying to my soul. If you haven't had this revelation I say 'watch out!' because he's coming- and his love spreads like wildfire.

When it all comes tumbling down

I am having a slight out-of-body experience. I see my current situation and then I see myself two months ago and this is what I would tell myself... You are not defined by your circumstance- you're new nature cannot be touched by the old creation. Yet I find myself in a predicament- how do I know that is true?

You see, I am a lover of things that are true. That is why since I was very little, that is the one thing that was always tested. It was tested in many ways- sometimes through others asking questions (which is the most direct), sometimes through actions of my own and sometimes through the actions of others. The line I drew in the sand always seemed to get run over as if it were never there. The truth that seemed so evident was suddenly drowned by uncertainty and doubt.

This may be ok for some people to experience- they might consider it a joy to have this type of journey... But for me- battling the truth on a daily basis has been the hardest thing I have ever done- and it seems to be the end of me. It also may seem very insignificant to onlookers who do not know the whole story- because after all the truth is not relative... And sadly, that is the only thing I truly believe.

So what do you do when you have been building something your whole life and with all the materials you have access to, you have never been able to repair that crack in the wall- and then your worst fear happens- the whole thing comes crashing down. You know there has always been a crack but were just hoping that the tape, caulking, plaster and cement would keep it sealed.

This is my dilemma and this is my struggle. My foundation seems to be incorrect- my view of truth seems to be skewed. I have to go all the way back to the beginning and start over because there is no way I can rebuild on ashes and coal. The problem is I have run out of tools and materials. Strong wills have turned to rubber, discipline has turned to dust, prayer has turned to wishful thinking and love has turned to oil- its all over the place but just too messy.

Translation- to all those who seem to know me and to all those who think they do- so much has been shattered in my views of God and his relationship with me that I do not even know where to start reconciling my mind to agree to the things I have before. This may seem odd, and slightly unbelievable- but the day will come my friends, when your foundation needs to be rebuilt and you will be faced with a choice that will look like torture on one side and death on the other. The question is which will you choose? It seems that anything would be better than death (ok we aren't talking literal here but death as Jesus speaks as being without life- without him- so don't call the authorities, I'm not suicidal!) but after you have been tortured for so long you are willing to take anything just so it would stop.

So here is to all those who have given up- I hear you and I see you. I hope my fight can represent something someday and I can be one that can start fighting for others- but first I must make a choice- and lets hope the wishful thinking of others will persuade me to take the torture, no matter how difficult.

Mine versus Yours

Why is it that we find ourselves comparing experiences with one another? For example, you had shoulder surgery and I had brain surgery. You've failed twice and I've failed seven. You find it hard to listen and I find it hard to talk... Do you catch my drift?

I don't want to compare my story versus yours. I don't want to rank personal testimonies 1-10, 10 being outrageously radical to 1 being raised a Christian- boring. Not only do I think it may be a rather waste of time comparing our scars and bruises, more importantly we need to understand that we all have the same story, the same upbringing and the same future. (see 2 Tim 2)

I suppose a quick disclaimer should be mentioned here. Like many of you, I have struggled with countless things (which can be named if you really want to know- there is no shame there) but I think the difference lies in our associations with those things. I want to make it clear that I do not, nor ever will associate myself with my flesh, and I don't think you should either. Arrogant, I know... But Jesus called it righteousness.

Onward. My motivation for this today is one of my favorite passages from Philippians chapter 3 versus 3-16. I love the way Paul speaks right to the heart of men, skipping past the layers we've built to protect ourselves and showing us Christ over and over again.

Do you want to sit and compare stories with Paul on your life's missions? He will gladly do that, and does. Oh, you are a Hebrew? Well I was circumcised on the eighth day of the Tribe of Benjamin- a Hebrew of Hebrews concerning the law. Oh you are passionate? I was a Pharisee- You pursue righteousness? I persecuted the Church upon righteousness found in the law- Does this sound like our minds sometimes when we hear each other speak?

I know if that were me writing this letter, I would have listed those things in spite. Not exactly sure of that's where Paul came from. But here's the kicker... Paul counts that all loss. All this gain- gain in social standing, gain in finances, gain in self-righteousness and confidence- is all but a loss in order to gain Christ and be found in Him. He places no confidence in himself- but all confidence in the power of the resurrection of Christ. Wow. Where is your confidence? Where is mine?

Keep reading this passage and you will find that Paul struggles just as we do, by saying he has by no means come into completion. But he gives us a charge to press on, leaving all that is behind us- forgetting what has passed and reach for that which is in front of us- the high calling of being in Christ Jesus. Let us live in the mindset of having already attained these things, and may we all do it together.

So the next time you want to compare your experiences and why you think this way while I think that way, can we come to an agreement on something? There is only one way we should be thinking and that is of the Kingdom of God- which has been made known through his son. That is our experience. That is our story. That is our life and that is our future. So please, do me a solid and quit banking on the emotions of hurt to elevate your experience of God. He is so much more than a shoulder to cry on or another notch on your bedpost.

Too harsh? Maybe. But I need to hear this just as much as the next guy.

Promises of Life

I first off challenge you to read John chapter 6. But not as you have read it before. Read it with the idea of promise, and see if anything stands out to you.

It is truly amazing how we can read the words that Jesus spoke and feel the power that it still has. I am no longer in favor of just reading the bible to read it. I want the power of Jesus to be revealed in every line!

So on that note, John chapter 6 is great. It's all about promises. I am starting to realize that in believing, there is a deep rooted foundation of promise. With believing, comes promise. Without promise, there is no power of belief. I don't mean to mention promises of good fortune and better circumstances. I don't believe Jesus ever promised anything close to that. His promises are much more meaningful.

When Jesus walks on water in verse 19 the reaction of the disciples was fear. Jesus' promise was this, do not be afraid for in me there is no fear. Verses 26-27 he promises food that will endure, which he will give. And then, most dominantly he promises us eternal life. But eternal life is knowing the Father and the one he sent, as said in chapter 17.

So let's quickly recap, (and I am assuming you read this because there's too much detail to lay it all out), the promises outlined in chapter 6 are rooted in one thing. They are rooted in him. That is interesting isn't it? That he can promise freedom from fear, food that fills the soul and eternal life that are all contained in him. So what he is really saying is this: I promise myself to you. I promise that I am trustworthy and will fulfill your hunger and thirst.

So prophesy and miracles will fill our hunger right? Or teachings and gatherings? Blessings and inheritances? I would beg to infer that maybe these things are an outcome of the belief in his true promise, the promise of eternal life in him. Maybe I should stop looking at these things as a fulfillment of a desire to experience him and rather as an inevitable response to the very essence of who he is.

So the challenge for myself is this: to set aside the 'glory' of gifts and blessings and turn my face to the person of Jesus because he promises himself to me if I believe. So I will believe in the promise of him, because in him all blessings/promises/gifts/inheritances come. That's the glory I want, Jesus.

Will you join me?

It is always about the Father

Do you ever wonder what the father would say to us if he could hear our conversations? If he could hear us talk about all the things we have to work on, all the ways we have fallen short, all the ways we have failed? Do you actually think he would agree with us? I don't believe so, and here is why.

Jesus says in John 14 that He is the way and the truth and the life. No one goes to the Father except through Him. If we really knew Him, we would know His Father as well. From now on, we do know the Father and have seen Him. I want to restate that. From now on... From this point forward, we know the Father. Point one.

John 14:15-21 is a great section to meditate on. If we love Him, we will obey Him. He will not leave us as orphans, instead He will come to us. Because He lives, we also live and the day we receive the Spirit of Truth we will realize that He is in the Father, and we are in Him, and He is in us. He, Jesus Christ, is in the Father as we are in Him. Point two.

Jesus goes on to say in verses 28-31 that we should be glad He is going to the Father because the Father is greater than He. He also says that the prince of this world is coming, but he has no hold on Him because He loves the Father and does exactly what the Father has commanded. The prince of this world has no hold on Jesus because He is in the Father. Point three.

So back to my first question. What would the Father say if he say in on our conversations of self-defeat? First off he would probably say, "Child, don't you remember that I am the Father?" Then as our conversation progresses into deeper troubles of our failings he would probably whisper "Child, don't you remember that you are in my Son, in which I am well pleased?" But we continue to throw ourselves down the pit of despair (Insert Princess Bride reference) where all the life gets sucked out of us and he simply says, "My dearest one, have you not been listening to me all along? If you are in my Son, who is in me, then what hold can the prince of darkness have in you? You are my child who has been called into light, to bear the image with my Son. Get up off your mat of self- destruction and walk in the lengths of my love."

When will we actually get up and walk in the image of Christ? When will we finally say, it's not about me? When will we finally recognize that we are in the Son as the Son is in the Father? Why is this so hard for us to accept?

I believe the words of Jesus. If we have found a place in Him and He has found a place in us, then the prince of darkness has NO hold on us... how many times must we say it? Get up, and walk!!

Try to tell me it's about you, and I will remind you of the Father, for in him all things were created for the fullness of his Son, who dwells within us.

The New Man

"Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in the knowledge in the image of Its creator. Here there is no Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all." Col 3:9-11

Can I just say it?! Your new nature is really attractive!

With this in mind it is time to take a deeper look at who we are. I am not in favor of behavior management, I am in favor or character reformation. If we believe that we have no responsibility to our character, we have neglected our new nature.

In our old self we all are insecure, indecisive, helpless, full of doubt, lost... Fill in the blank. But let's be clear here, we are all placed in the same category in our old self. There is no distinction between us because in essence we are living dead as the old man.

Similarly, once we abandon the old man and take on the new man, that is the man that has been resurrected in life with Jesus, we are all in the same position. As we take on the new man we are all made holy and blameless and are completely justified by the cross. (see Eph 1 or Col 3) As the new man there is no distinction between you and me. There is no separation or definable difference in our position. Granted the Lord has placed upon us a unique manifestation of himself, but we all arise as one in Christ as we take on the new man.

This is great news. It is great because I am no longer responsible to the old man. I am responsible for the new man. And in the new man there is hope, joy, peace, endurance, faith, righteousness, holiness... There is Christ. I am responsible to Christ, and Christ alone.

I find myself having a hard time valuing personal testimony (really just mine) because in Titus 3:3-8 it outlines everyone's testimony. "At one time you too were foolish, disobedient... But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us..." We were all once darkness, but now have been made children of light as Eph 5:8 claims.

So the burning question is this: Do you believe it? Do you believe it enough to set aside the old man, all the insecurity, all the hurt, pain, poverty, restlessness and take on the new man who is full of glory? Do you believe it enough to not go there anymore, to those places that are dark, cold and leaving you feeling alone? Do you believe it enough to leave behind the attitude of "I just need to get myself together"?

Do you believe it enough to let Jesus find rest in your life?

Do you believe it enough to, not just make him a room, but give him full access to your house?

May we start from this day forward being the new man and setting aside the old. From this day forward may I never see another person outside of Christ.

Until then, I hope you receive a revelation of love the next time you take a sip of coffee (or tea if you prefer).

Unflitered

Sometimes I have no idea what to title some of these blog posts... so I just put down the first thing that came to me.

I just went back and read a couple of my blogs and it is really interesting to see the different moods I was in that resulted in an awakening in Christ. Some responses were frustration, angst, hunger, rejoicing... all these have lead me into a deeper yearning for the word, the living word.

I spent a few privileged hours with some new friends and was in awe of the conversation. I walk in, sit down and BAM! Jesus. More and more I am understanding the reality that his name is literally enough. His name holds all things and in all things is his name. I can't get enough of that conversation. I can't get enough of those words.

There has been a shift in my mind that has led me away from myself and into something much more deep and profound... tho I find myself unable to speak in most instances. Urges are placed upon my heart and a longing to partake in the transformation of our community but I get nothing. I see what we should do, what I should do... and then I come and Jesus does it, without me saying a word. His name is enough.

Psalm 19 says,

"The heavens declare the glory of God,

the skies proclaim the work of his hands.

Day after day they pour forth speech,

night after night they display knowledge.

There is no speech or language

where their voice is not heard.

Their voice goes out into all the earth,

their words to the ends of the world."

As we were sitting in the jacuzzi I was overwhelmed by the response of creation to its creator. The heavens declare the glory of God. Day after day creation speaks... I want in that conversation. I want to hear what creation has to say. I want to see the skies and hear a proclamation of the work of His hands. "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer." Ps 19:14

I dare you to take a gander into the names of the Lord. Make a list of them and see if that is not enough. Then once you know his name, take a look at creation and sit in awe of what you hear. I then dare you to ask him for anything, because you will see that he has already given you everything.

Until then may we understand that we have, in Christ, been made a new creation, a new man... forever changed by the grace of our redeemer.